Monday, March 20, 2006

The OC

I volunteered this weekend at the Barton Center for their annual road race. I was happy to lend my time cheering on runners and my husband loved helping in the kitchen and making coffee for the spectators. While I was there I was talking to a friend that admitted that she found my blog (HI) and we had a conversation about why we were drawn to reading blogs in the OC.

It’s something that was wondering about myself just last week. What is it about people chronicling their everyday on the internet. What draws me to read about PWD and parents of kids with diabetes day after day. Feeling the highs and lows of blood sugars and life, mostly with perfect strangers. Admittedly I know some of the terrific bloggers out there, but the majority of your are just beings behind a computer.

What we came up with mirrors my firm belief in diabetes camps and support groups. Simply enough, it proves that we are not alone in living with diabetes. The enormity of that short statement is hard to explain to someone that does not understand all of the ramifications that having a chronic illness/condition has on your life. Like the doctor that said it should take about 10 minutes a day to manage your diabetes because that's how long a few checks and shots take.

Despite my knowing better, I have measured the success of a day based on what my one touch said. I have cried when my A1c was higher than I anticipated, even though I knew I had not done everything I could to manage my health. I have cursed my efforts of being in tight control when it meant that I was low walking into an important business meeting and couldn’t focus my eyes on the presentation I was delivering. I knew I should not eat something/go for seconds and did it anyway. I wondered how much I should save for retirement and will I ever get to use that money for anything other than prescriptions.

Every time I have an ache or pain in my legs I wonder, do they hurt because they hurt or is it neuropathy. The bittersweet feeling of saying, I’ve had diabetes for almost 25 years and don’t have any complications, yet. I worry about being a burden on my husband and future children if those complications do arise. Waiting and wondering about the unknown terror that this disease can have on my life, while living life and all of the ups and downs life brings everyone.

The beauty of the OC is that you “get it”. Without even knowing me, you understand because you have been there. You don’t try to ignore my worries about my future and my health, you do not brush away my concerns with a well intended “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

Having a closet full of syringes and infusion sets is normal to you. You’ve spilled your bag and syringes have come flying out much to the horror of passers by. You’ve eaten sugar packets and single serve jelly containers at restaurants when your food has not come quick enough. You wonder what life will bring you or your children, you think of cures and then come back to reality. This disease is only tackled one way, one test, one day, one A1c at a time. Anything more than that would be too overwhelming to think of, although, we’ve all gone there in our heads.

So, on behalf of myself and the anonymous readers out there, I thank you. Thank you for putting your anger and frustration and happiness and accomplishments out there. I can guarantee, that with each frustrated or encouraging post, at least one reader has nodded with agreement, or truly felt your emotions.

When bad days come, and no one seems to understand, we are lucky that we, the OC, have each other. And that is worth all it all.

6 Comments:

Blogger Keith said...

caren--
And I thought I was the only one w/16 boxes of infusion sets in the bathroom and 10 bottles of Humalog in the fridge.

Very good post... even though I think most of us have very good spouses, there are certain concerns and fears I think only diabetics can truly relate to each other.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

I loved this post. I don't think I can express why.

It's funny, I read about adult PWD writing about how they read the parent blogs. I love to read the PWD blogs becaue it gives me a glimpse of what life will be like for my son. When I read of problems or glories that you all have, I say to myself "I can tell Brendon how to solve a problem, just look at the way he/she handled that situation...or hey it's not so bad, look at what so and so accomplished."

For that I thank the PWD Posse :)

7:51 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

I usually dump the sugar packs in my drink...a little less obvious that way.


Great post.

8:25 AM  
Blogger Kassie said...

I honestly don't know how PWD who don't have some diabetes connections do it. I would be utterly lost without my camp friends. There's nothing like walking into a group of people - in real time or online - and knowing they get it.

9:46 AM  
Blogger art-sweet said...

I hope someone shot that doctor. And not with insulin.

Speaking of which, do "shooting up" jokes annoy everyone else or is it just me?

5:22 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Amazing post. It all rings true.

The beauty of the OC is that you “get it”. Without even knowing me, you understand because you have been there. You don’t try to ignore my worries about my future and my health, you do not brush away my concerns with a well intended “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” YES!!!!

12:10 PM  

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