Queen of Saline

I started my saline trial on Tuesday. In a very bright conference room at Joslin. After listening to the gentle buzz of the florescent lights hanging above, day dreaming about life with Bonnie and where she will take me, I finally faced my fear. The very patient nurse encouraged me as I said “one, two, three, bombs away” (Bombs away? It makes me sound like I am at war with something. Perhaps I am. I’ll come back to that someday.)

And then I was connected. No panic attack, no sweaty forehead, the room didn’t spin, and I felt fine. The site was not in the expected belly region, she had me put it in my upper/hip/butt area. The nurse affectionately called it my “future saddlebag area.” I chatted with her for a bit, and then went to go home. As I was getting in my car, I was very aware of where the site was, should I try and not sit on it? Will the lap belt rub against it? And then I made my mistake, I tried to slide in to the car not hitting my hip. I got home and tried to sit carefully on the couch as my husband asked me a series of questions. Even later that night, laying on the couch, I made sure to turn just a bit, to make sure that my site was ok. Surprisingly enough I didn’t sleep well. I tossed and turned and the remembered the infusion site and turned again. I bounced around from a couch and 2 beds before I finally settled down and got to sleep.

For the record, the site it’s self never hurt. The sting that I felt taking out the needle paled in comparison to my nightly Lantus shots. I woke up in the morning just not feeling right. I threw on my jeans and headed to work. My whole tush area was sore. I thought for sure that it was the infusion site. Wondered if it was too late to return this contraption.

And then I remembered what I had done.

I my haste to be sure not to hurt the infusion site, I ended up pulling some of the muscles around the site. And advil and a bit of ben*gay later, and I feel fine.

That’s what always gets me about having diabetes. The testing and shots are one thing. But the worry and unknown causes my brain to go places it doesn’t need to go is what is the hardest part of this condition to me. I did it to myself. In all my fear about the pump, the one thing that bothers me the most is the pain I caused myself.

Figures.