Miss Jeckle and Mrs Hyde
I woke up at 198. Not ideal, but I had been at a holiday party last night and there was probably more in the things I ate than I thought. I corrected, weighed out my 32 grams of cinnamon life cereal and ate my breakfast. I followed it up with my standard cup of coffee on my ride to work. It’s about a 30 minute ride to work. I got in, sat at my desk and then started to feel anxious. I was feeling very unsettled. It had been about an hour and a half since my delicious breakfast, there is no way I could be low. I tried to figure out if I was worried about something or forgot to do something… did I leave the iron on? No way, I wear jeans to work and have not ironed in an embarrassing long amount of time…I have Christmas shopping to do but nothing critical. My husband was not on a business trip to some far away land. There really was nothing that should make me feel so unsettled.
So I checked.
55
Fifty-five?? How in the name of all that is good and holy in this world is that even possible? Of course, if I could answer that, I am sure we’d all be a lot happier.
So I ate my left over Halloween twizzlers that were in my purse. Hum… that didn’t seem to be enough. So I added a ½ bag of skittles…. By this time my heart was racing and focusing on reading or doing anything seemed to be an insurmountable task.
So I ran downstairs to 7-11.
“you don’t need anything else, just take a break and let the candy kick in” I told myself over and over. I stared at the ho-ho’s and the case of donoughts. All I really wanted in life at that moment of time was any kind of hostess snack cake treat. It was all I could do to not rip through the small wrapper that stood between me and my cream filling.
“get a diet coke and go back to your desk” I told myself. I walked to the soda case and had to focus like a high school kid taking the SATs. Diet coke. Diet Coke. I look around and start to think people are looking at me…
At the check out counter the woman looked at me funny when I bought a large diet coke at 9:02am. And then, as if it were an out of body experience, I grabbed a package of cookies and paid before my rational “non-low” mind could chime in.
“ I don’t care if I am high later I need these now now now now now!”
I ate the cookies and swilled the diet coke. It wasn’t worth it. By the time I got back to my desk I was feeling back to normal. That is until I started to sky rocket from the extra skittles and cookies. And then as soon as the bad feeling of being low ended, in rolled my nausea and crankiness that comes from being high.
A double-whammy morning. A panicky low and a nauseating high. It’s the mornings like this and the aftermath of chasing down that high all day that I think a lot of people miss when they talk about diabetes. On paper, diabetes is fairly easy. Insulin, food, exercise. Balance it and off you go…. Unless you’ve been on the diabetes roller coaster or sat next to a loved one who has, you’d never be able to read between the lines and see what makes having diabetes such a challenge.
Tonight when I restock my purse, I have have a mind to write- YOU JUST NEED ONE – on the wrapper. But my happily 132 mind knows that, it’s miss 55 that I need to worry about.
So I checked.
55
Fifty-five?? How in the name of all that is good and holy in this world is that even possible? Of course, if I could answer that, I am sure we’d all be a lot happier.
So I ate my left over Halloween twizzlers that were in my purse. Hum… that didn’t seem to be enough. So I added a ½ bag of skittles…. By this time my heart was racing and focusing on reading or doing anything seemed to be an insurmountable task.
So I ran downstairs to 7-11.
“you don’t need anything else, just take a break and let the candy kick in” I told myself over and over. I stared at the ho-ho’s and the case of donoughts. All I really wanted in life at that moment of time was any kind of hostess snack cake treat. It was all I could do to not rip through the small wrapper that stood between me and my cream filling.
“get a diet coke and go back to your desk” I told myself. I walked to the soda case and had to focus like a high school kid taking the SATs. Diet coke. Diet Coke. I look around and start to think people are looking at me…
At the check out counter the woman looked at me funny when I bought a large diet coke at 9:02am. And then, as if it were an out of body experience, I grabbed a package of cookies and paid before my rational “non-low” mind could chime in.
“ I don’t care if I am high later I need these now now now now now!”
I ate the cookies and swilled the diet coke. It wasn’t worth it. By the time I got back to my desk I was feeling back to normal. That is until I started to sky rocket from the extra skittles and cookies. And then as soon as the bad feeling of being low ended, in rolled my nausea and crankiness that comes from being high.
A double-whammy morning. A panicky low and a nauseating high. It’s the mornings like this and the aftermath of chasing down that high all day that I think a lot of people miss when they talk about diabetes. On paper, diabetes is fairly easy. Insulin, food, exercise. Balance it and off you go…. Unless you’ve been on the diabetes roller coaster or sat next to a loved one who has, you’d never be able to read between the lines and see what makes having diabetes such a challenge.
Tonight when I restock my purse, I have have a mind to write- YOU JUST NEED ONE – on the wrapper. But my happily 132 mind knows that, it’s miss 55 that I need to worry about.
posted by caren at 4:22 PM
10 Comments:
I know just how you feel Caren. I was up at 4:00 this morning rumaging around the kitchen for sweets, but trying to fight the battle of not eating too much. It's a tough fight and I lost.
That is always hard. I guess I tell myself later that I just wanted to make the best out of a bad situation so instead of 15 carbs I had 100 with the King Size Snickers bar oh and the chocolate cake! :)
You are not alone!
Indeed. This post resonated with me. It's like you step out of yourself in those desperate moments... Like someone else has taken over. Enough is never enough. Great post. I'm sorry you had such a roller coaster today, though.
Im the compulsive eater at 310. still a big eater at 30, but im too out of it id rather just sleep. which is scary in and of itself!
Been there so many times I could never keep track. The only time I ever craved one of those orange (yes, orange) Hostess cupcakes was during a low. And I ate it. And it was not nearly as delicious as I'd thought it would be.
Nowadays I sit at my kitchen table while recovering from a low (often in the middle of the night), trying to count carbs to bolus for the excess. Sometimes it actually works and I wake up hours later with a decent number.
Oh I feel so much better that I am not the only one that wakes up low and ends up bolusing before I go back to bed because I over ate.
I woke up this morning, lamost exactly the same, and am just fine now. No crash and burn lows today. Ahh... gotta love it!
I have been there! I have written signs too. The ups and downs of D - good we can share them!
I've been there as well and it always stinks. Just the other night I woke up not feeling right after going to bed at a steady 99 only to find out an hour an a half later I was 31!!!! I ate like food was going out of style and forgot to bolus for the extra carbs. I felt like complete crap the next morning. It's all you can do sometimes. Not only that but the most aweful things sound delicious when you are low!!!
Same thing happened to me this morning - and I have to show this food diary to the nutritionist tomorrow. I was 60 when I woke up and after some snacks was 365 then at 1 pm I was 60 again after bolusing for one thing that i had forgotten. But I treated my self to a plain ice cream from McDonalds. I love those. I think i am in the clear now but I feel ridiculous going to the nutritionist tomorrow.
I loose all control too when I'm low.
I almost want to smack the person who thinks the whole 15/15 thing is so easy to do. Yeah, not while you're waiting for those carbs to kick in!
The worst for me is when I wake up at night low. I destroy the kitchen. Just totally demolish it.
The scary thing is, I know I'm going way overboard, and just can't stop it. I've had a number of times where I've actually bolused for nearly 200 grams of carbs, and STILL woke up with a 300 something blood sugar. Can you imagine how many carbs I must have really eaten?
Jay, over at Cyber-Pancreas had posted about an interesting technique he uses to battle this problem.
He will eat a pretty appropriate number of fast acting carbs, then fill the urge to eat with things like sugar-free fudge popsicles or pickles or some other carb-free food. It satisfies his urge to keep eating until his BG is back up.
I've not yet been able to apply this into my life, but I think it's a really great idea.
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