Wednesday, August 09, 2006

it's a very very very fine house...

Tonight, someone else will be making dinner in my kitchen. Tucking in the kids in what used to be our office, and dream of the possibilities that come with home ownership. Today, we sold our first home.

We went last night to say good bye and let s-dog take one last sniff around. I cried as I realized that I’ve never come home from work through these doors again. I remembered my mom making my wedding dress in the living room. Coming home from our wedding to find that the neighbors had cleaned the 2 feet of snow off our driveway. I’ll think of the hours of home improvement projects that we did on that house. The wondering just how many people could fit in the house across the street, or if every person living there just had 2 cars. As with so many things in life, I will chose to remember the good times we had there.

We cleaned the floors and watered the lawn, packed the last few things into my jeep and were off to our rental apartment. As I went to close the garage door, something caught my eye. A used test strip was stuck to the bottom of the door, I laughed, shoved it in my pocket and drove the jeep down the road. I began to dream of our next house, something a little bigger, a little nicer. Somewhere we will hopefully have children. I pictured having a holiday meal in a room large enough that we could all fit around the table.

As I drove, I couldn’t help but think that it’s ironic that the last thing I took out of our house was a test strip. A gentile reminder that no matter what road I choose, or where I go, my diabetes comes with me. And in a strange way, that was comforting to me.

Diabetes has become intertwined in my personality. It has shaped the choices that I’ve made, the risks I’ve taken, and the ways that I live my life. Some people think of diabetes and they think of Wilford Brimley on TV peddling test strips. They think of their great Aunt Gerdie who died a slow and painful death from complications. Or the overweight lady in the office that just can’t seem to get control of their her “brittle dia-b-tis”

When I think of my diabetes, I don’t think of complications or test supplies or doctor’s appointments. I think of the years I had at my camp, how having diabetes made me able to be confident and ask for what I need in life. Having diabetes is a subtle reminder to stretch for my dreams and goals and try and be the best person that I can be. It gives me a sense of pride that after so many years I’m doing great. Would I rather not have it? Sure. But I am positive that I would not be who I am, without it.

So I thank my little house, for the gentle reminder to remember the good times you’ve had, and dream big for the future.


Blogger Minnesota Nice said...

That was lovely and uplifting - just what I needed today.
Good luck in the new home.

7:17 PM  
Blogger Scott K. Johnson said...

Hi Caren,

Great post. I stumbled onto your blog by following a link from a comment you left somewhere - so a belated welcome to the "OC"!

Thanks for sharing!

9:36 AM  
Blogger Nicole aka Fred said...

Thanks for the lovely reminder that in some ways having a constant in your life such as diabetes can be a comfort or blessing in disguise when we start on the road to new destinations and unknowns! You rock!

2:10 PM  
Blogger J said...

Thanks for that Caren it was very humbling and I felt like I was reading and ending to a new book with the hurried thoughts of a secound release to see what happens next .. good luck .

9:48 AM  
Blogger Maura said...

Hi Caren,
I just moved into our first condo! It was exhausting. I don't think the energy ouput will pay off until one year down the road...Looking forward to hearing about your next step.

4:54 PM  

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