Wednesday, August 30, 2006

New horizions?

Do you see those jammies folded nicely on the chair? Those are my scardy pants. I took them off today and finally went “off belly” for an infusion set.

I had a flash back to when I was a “wildwood” camper, of sitting in the stage in the barn, with a group of fellow campers cheering me on. I giggled, but was trying not to giggle too much as I did my first stomach shot. I’ve been using my belly as a human pin cushion since then.

It put the site in my left thigh, about 1 hand width from my hip. It seems to be doing ok so far. I woke up at 74. Had some OJ with my cheerios and ended up at 230. I think it was the OJ that did it. I just checked in at 150, so I guess I am coming down. We’ll see how lunch goes.

Do any of you have different absorption in different areas? I would like to use my legs and “love handles” a bit more, but I am afraid of sitting on the site or rolling on it at night. For those of you that do use your derrière, do you actually sleep on the site, does that hurt or get sore easily?

I guess it’s all trial and error?

p.s. turning 30 is fab-u-lous! I recommend it highly ;)

Monday, August 21, 2006

Our operators are standing by...

I remember being in the den at my parents house, I must have been 8 or 9 years old. Flipping though the channels on the TV, I saw a telethon. I loved telethons, I don’t know why. Seeing people helping “the sick children” at St. Jude or Strong Hospital made me feel good. I always wanted to call in and pledge my weekly allowance. It never once dawned on me that someone would have a telethon for me.

I was stopped in my tracks when I heard “children with juvenile diabetes…” suddenly I could not work the remote. I was in shock to think that, diabetes, which I always just associated with life, was telethon worthy.

“But, I have diabetes” I remember thinking to myself. “I’m not sick.”

It got worse. I kept listening to Mary Tyler Moore as she recited the horrifying facts that are the complications from diabetes.

..."Many children diagnosed just decades ago would not have seen their 30th birthday.”

I turned off the TV and began to cry. I never told my mom what I saw because I was supposed to be playing outside, not watching TV.



“So, I have to do it all before my 30th birthday. Man, does that stink.” I remember thinking. Although, 30, to an 8 year old, seemed like a long time.

All of the realities that would come with not living to 30 started to sink in. Why go to college, why get good grades? I’ll have to marry young….

Luckily though my experiences with good doctors, camp and the ADA, it was reinforced that it “was” the case, “years ago” that children with diabetes mellitus would not live till 30. That is no longer the case today.

It is restaurant week in Boston. Where the top restaurants in the city offer a fixed menu for a discounted price. I love restaurants. I love going to eat. It is in fact, my biggest guilty pleasure.

My 30th birthday is Friday. Every night this week, my husband, various friends and I are going to 6 different top restaurants. A celebration of 30 years. I could not be happier.

Last night Ryan and I went to restaurant number one. We had an excellent meal, above expectations. We talked about houses we had seen that day and that maybe we’d think about kids a few months sooner.

He asked me if I was ok being 30. Hearing the clanking of the dishes in the kitchen, the subtle music in the background, and savoring that last bite of dinner. I stopped. And as my eyes welled up with tears, I said that I am just grateful that I made it. I thought about my telethon watching self and was happy for the child I was, confident in the woman I had become, and excited about the mother I hope to be.

With each bite of food, each course that passes by, the laughter and company of my closest friends, I will remember how I got to be so healthy and happy at thirty. I will remember the good and bad of having diabetes. I will silently pay tribute to the countless shots and blood tests. The hours spent feeling sorry for myself, and the years I worked making sure no one ever felt sorry for me. Just like so many things with diabetes, no one but me will know what I am thinking and feeling. I prefer it that way. This week, when asked, I will joyously toast to my age and smile.

I can’t wait to see what life has in store for me in my next 30 years.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

it's a very very very fine house...

Tonight, someone else will be making dinner in my kitchen. Tucking in the kids in what used to be our office, and dream of the possibilities that come with home ownership. Today, we sold our first home.

We went last night to say good bye and let s-dog take one last sniff around. I cried as I realized that I’ve never come home from work through these doors again. I remembered my mom making my wedding dress in the living room. Coming home from our wedding to find that the neighbors had cleaned the 2 feet of snow off our driveway. I’ll think of the hours of home improvement projects that we did on that house. The wondering just how many people could fit in the house across the street, or if every person living there just had 2 cars. As with so many things in life, I will chose to remember the good times we had there.

We cleaned the floors and watered the lawn, packed the last few things into my jeep and were off to our rental apartment. As I went to close the garage door, something caught my eye. A used test strip was stuck to the bottom of the door, I laughed, shoved it in my pocket and drove the jeep down the road. I began to dream of our next house, something a little bigger, a little nicer. Somewhere we will hopefully have children. I pictured having a holiday meal in a room large enough that we could all fit around the table.

As I drove, I couldn’t help but think that it’s ironic that the last thing I took out of our house was a test strip. A gentile reminder that no matter what road I choose, or where I go, my diabetes comes with me. And in a strange way, that was comforting to me.

Diabetes has become intertwined in my personality. It has shaped the choices that I’ve made, the risks I’ve taken, and the ways that I live my life. Some people think of diabetes and they think of Wilford Brimley on TV peddling test strips. They think of their great Aunt Gerdie who died a slow and painful death from complications. Or the overweight lady in the office that just can’t seem to get control of their her “brittle dia-b-tis”

When I think of my diabetes, I don’t think of complications or test supplies or doctor’s appointments. I think of the years I had at my camp, how having diabetes made me able to be confident and ask for what I need in life. Having diabetes is a subtle reminder to stretch for my dreams and goals and try and be the best person that I can be. It gives me a sense of pride that after so many years I’m doing great. Would I rather not have it? Sure. But I am positive that I would not be who I am, without it.

So I thank my little house, for the gentle reminder to remember the good times you’ve had, and dream big for the future.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A note from my mother

I wish that a note from my mom would account for any of life’s delays and missteps. Like not updating your blog for a month... I am sure that my mom would come up with a polite way of saying “she been freaking busy!!” but rather, I’ll just let you know that it’s been a bit hectic in my little world.

We sold our house. HOORAY! It was almost unbelievable. A nice mom with two little girls will be moving in next week. From offer to close we had 4.5 weeks. The only problem is that we don’t know where we are going… ah, details details… So as I type I am nursing a sore arm, and wondering where I can put my infusion set so that it is not in the way while I hoist boxes out of my house and into the garage. We decided to get a POD and put most things in storage for now. We rented a place for 6 months while we try and find, what my afore mentioned mother calls the “home of her future grandchildren.” (no, of course, no pressure, mom.) So it’s been a surprisingly busy summer. I’ve had to back out of volunteering at camp which is a bummer but something that needed to be done.

Ryan and I bought this house right as we got engaged and worked on it for 2 years. As he said, it was a fixer upper, and it’s fixed, so we’re moving on… The oustide changes are here, we redid every inch of the whole place… I only have a few permanent scars from the work we did- mainly when we retiled the bathroom. But that's a whole 'nother post all together!

On the diabetes front, I got my first A1c after going on the pump. 6.6. I was pretty excited about that. And apparently I lost 5 lbs, although with the stress eating I’ve been doing, I am sure that is no longer the case.

So life is good yet busy. I promise to update more going forward… I am sure the insane real estate market in Eastern MA will be a topic shared often.

p.s. Fred, ya, it’s me, I owe you an email… please see excuse as detailed above